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Okay, NO, this is NOT a "Halloween" site so not only stop wondering it, but stop contacting me & asking it. This is a CANDY CORN site, period.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

~Introduction~
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Actually, I don't really think candy corn needs any introduction here, right? I mean...
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It's delicious... It's colorful... We ALL love it. So there.
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But besides that, you might be saying to yourself some times, "As much as I love the candy corn, where does such a heavenly thing come from?"
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Well that, my friends, is something that's better left to the birds.
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Seriously.
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Once upon a time, it was thought that candy corn did indeed come from the Candy Corn Plant, or the Justica Rizzini. But upon better research results it was found that the Justica Rizzini tasted like a cat box & was deceptively making itself out to look like candy corn in order to broaden the reach of its species.
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On one paw, such deception ticks a feline off, on the other, ya can't blame a plant for coming up with such a freakin' fantastic idea. So we decided to let it live. But I wasn't kidding about the cat box. Stay away from it.
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We of educated walnut-sized minds now know that our beloved sweet treats come from the Candy Corn BIRD. Yes, NOT a plant, but an animal. DUH!!!
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The Candy Corn Bird is known for its brightly candy corn-colored plumage and mostly for its delicious poops.
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Oh come on, some people eat bee vomit and call it honey instead of, you know, bee vomit, so what's a little bird poop that's called candy [corn]? A-hem!
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So, the candy industry, knowing that most human kind of folks aren't too eager to eat turds (no matter how pretty and tasty they may be), they took it upon themselves to create an artificially made candy corn, packaged it up and made a Nutrition Facts label for it.
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It's a bunch of crap, trust me. Nutritionally, nothing can be better than candy corn. It came from nature, and if nature doesn't know what's best for you, I don't know who does.
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SO! Now it's time for all candy corn lovers and the candy corn curious to sit back on your haunches, tuck your tail around your balloon knot of a bottom and read my blog on the manna of life.
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** Note: all views of Black and White Kitty (aka Candy Corn Cat, aka CCC) are strictly personal; based on no facts, empirical data, study groups, scientific research or reality whatsoever. All statements are to be taken LIGHTLY... you know, it's a JOKE ya'll. Also, copyrights are a damn shame, so in saying that, please know that some images seen here might have been snatch with a sneaky claw from other sites that don't want you (or CCC) to make any Benjie's offa it. So if you so reckon to re-snatch any images from this site, be forewarned!
~Pissed Kitteh~
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So is this the photo that started it all? Well yup, it sure is!
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A few Octobers ago, someone with opposable thumbs and a camera, thought it would be funny to put stupid stix in mah candy cornses. No joke! Then they waited until I came home from work and caught my reaction on SD card to upload online for all the world to see. Bastards.
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That's okay, I puked in their winter slippers before they woke up.
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Really people, I'm so not like this. It was just that I was having a rough day at the office, the commute home was hell, I couldn't sleep all day the day before, well, you know how it goes. Anyhow, this was not my best side but I'm a cat that can laugh at himself. And it really shows, in a I'm-gonna-lose-it sort of way, how much I luvs my candy corn.
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So where was I? Oh yeah, I luv candy cornses. Luvs 'em a lot. So I decided to show my luvs in a couple ways.
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.........#1. Create this blog.
.........#2. Create the organization Cats & Candy Corn of
.............America


~That's Not Candy Corn! It's LIES!!~
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Candy corn. It is vaguely corn-shaped but mostly looks like a very rounded and smooth cone. It IS the perfect shape.
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It shall be bright, sunshiney-yellow at the base, perfectly ripe orangey-orange in the trunk, and crisp, wintery-white at its peak.
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Making another candy in the guise of candy CORN is not permissible and just plain wrong. Making another food in the shape or color of candy corn to make it more pleasing to the eye is okay.
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DO NOT BE FOOLED BY FAKES!!!
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They don't taste right, they don't look right and the texture is so bad for so many reasons.
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This is CEREAL, NOT candy corn.
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"Candy corn-colored chocolate"??? You have to be joking!
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G-u-m-d-r-o-p-s does not spell candy corn.
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Candy corn does not need to be individually wrapped up like these pathetic taffies.
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Yeah, nougat, candy corn does not pull your fillings out..
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Fluffy gummy corns in the almost-shape and color of candy corn does not a candy corn make.
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And these gummies don't fare much better; they look more like rotten teeth than candy corn.
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And this?! THIS?!?! It's not even CHEWABLE! But you know what? If you close your eyes while you drink it, it kind of does taste a little like CRAP!



Candy corn is bright and cheery, sweet and delicious, portable (throw a handful in your pocket and go), easy to hide from spying eyes (yes kids, you can eat them in class!) and kitty-bite sized!
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.But wait, if you thought THAT was bad... Yes, there's MORE!!!
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Thinking that if they adopted the candy corn texture and stripedness, some candy companies have attempted to implement different COLORS for different occasions and even different FLAVORS!!! Like there's any OTHER flavor other than original CANDY CORN flavor! HA!!
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Caramel is the first most popular "flavor" in a slew of flavored candy cornses.
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Caramel apple. Okay. So where's the apple? And where's the candy corn for that matter??
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Caramel Chocolate. They look black and rotten. Gross.
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Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I remember when "Caramel corn" referred to caramel-coated pop-corn, not this vile candy corn impostor.
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Never having tried these myself (thank god), I've heard they taste like vanilla... which is not candy corn... so who cares.
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.These abominations are supposed to taste like green apple, what they taste like is crap.
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And the absolute worst flavor of all: Toffee flavored CHOCOLATE COVERED corns!!! Then again, maybe the toffee corns were so ashamed of their flavor and color that they decided to hide under a coat of chocolate.
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Candy corn-flavored candy corn in different colors abound but despite the familiar palette, the colors and sometimes NAMES (such as Easter Corn, Valentine Corn, Indian Corn & REINDEER Corn!!) take away from the total joy = NO JOY.



NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NO!!
It's NOT REAL!! Don't accept it!! Don't stand for it!! Go without if you must, but stand firm for your candy corn beliefs and your candy corn RIGHTS!
... I think I'm gonna cough up a hairball...
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~Useful Uses~
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[post coming soon]
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foods featuring candy corn
~The Beauty of Candy Corns~
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Ever since mankind discovered the Candy Corn Bird and thought, "Hey, look, his poopies are pretty, I should taste it even though it's a turd. OMG, it's totally good!" he has been trying to harness the powerful scent, taste and beauty of Candy Corn.
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In his attempts he has come up with some interesting products such as body soap (because humans like to douse themselves in water and wash sans-tongue with foamy soap) that doesn't event resemble the natural shape of candy corn but at the very least smells fantastic and gets the color right.
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Then he really hit that feel-good scent when he developed a shampoo/bubble bath in one liquidy thing in a bottle. However, the problem arose that that pleasing smell didn't last past the bath.
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Next he figured out how to carry around the ever arousing aroma of candy corn with a body splash and perfume. Now I don't know what the difference in a "body splash" and "perfume" is, they both are
applied to the naked human skin to create scent but what do I know, I'm a cat and I don't wear or use any of that junk.
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(Nearly there) Then he invented the candy corn flavored--and sometimes colored--lip balm. This, I believe, would be my choice of products because whenever I'm away from my candy corn I could simply lick my lips and re-live the glory with a hint of my beloved. Problem... I don't have lips.
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Now I'm wondering why someone (you know, human-kind) hasn't figured out that cats and candy corn are like BFF's and created a candy corn scented flea dip or something, ya know? I mean, WTF, cats are people too and maybe we don't want to be chap sticking up our chops... dig? The high gloss just makes us look stupid.
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And FINALLY there's the ever aromatic candy corn anti-bacterial pocket-sized (for those of you that wear clothes) hand gel. It's a fresh way to kill germs with kindness (you know, 'cause they die smelling something really yummy and that's kind of nice of us if we're gonna kill 'em anyway--I'm sure you get it).
~Candy Corn and Cats of America~
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[post coming soon]
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~Candy Corn Cats~
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[post coming soon]
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~It's a Way of Life~
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[post coming soon]
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objects

~Just Eat It~
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[post coming soon]
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candy corn tableware

~Show Your Candy Corn Loud & Proud~
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[post coming soon]
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clothes
& accessories

Tuesday, June 22, 2010